My Husband's Vacuuming Style Used to Drive Me Crazy... Now I Think He Was Onto Something
I have a question for you.
When you have something on your to-do list, are you the kind of person who attacks it like it's an Olympic sport? Or are you someone who chips away at it a little at a time?
For most of my life, I was definitely in the first category.
If I had a task to do, I wanted it done. Immediately.
When I was in Chinese Medicine school, one of my teachers used to tell me to slow down.
“Why?” I’d think, “What’s the point? I can needle a patient in half the time and do my charts!”
My philosophy was simple: get it over with as fast as humanly possible so I could sit down, have a cup of tea, go for a walk, or start stressing about the next thing on my list. (Anyone else?)
Then there was... The Great Vacuum Incident.
A few years ago, I was heading out for a couple of hours and asked my husband to vacuum the house while I was gone.
"No problem," he said.
As I was leaving, I noticed he'd already taken the vacuum out. Excellent. I pictured myself coming home to beautifully vacuumed floors, the vacuum neatly tucked away, and maybe—if I was really lucky—the cushions fluffed.
Imagine my surprise when I walked back in a few hours later and found my husband comfortably sitting on the couch... with the vacuum still parked in the middle of the living room.
"Are you finished?" I asked.
"No," he said quite casually. "I'm doing one room at a time."
One room...
At a time.
I genuinely didn't know this was an option.
In my mind, vacuuming was a 10-minute job. You put your head down, race through the house, and don't stop until it's done.
Apparently, my husband had created an entirely different system.
Make it stand out
It's not about the destination, it's about the journey.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Vacuum one room.
Take a break.
Maybe have a snack.
Vacuum another room.
Perhaps stare thoughtfully out the window.
Eventually...the house gets vacuumed.
At the time, I thought this was absolutely ridiculous. Why turn a 10-minute job into a four-hour event?
Then menopause entered the chat.
These days, I have a little more appreciation for his strategy.
Actually...a lot more.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that my lifelong habit of rushing wasn't always about being efficient.
Sometimes it was anxiety.
Sometimes it was the belief that I wasn't allowed to rest until everything was finished.
Sometimes it was the pressure I put on myself to be constantly productive.
Sound familiar?
As a therapist, I hear versions of this every day.
People tell me they feel overwhelmed by work, family responsibilities, aging parents, appointments, laundry, emails, meal planning, and the never-ending list of things to do.
Many of us have somehow absorbed the idea that if we're not moving at full speed, we're falling behind.
But what if that's not actually true?
What if the goal isn't to finish everything as quickly as possible?
What if the goal is to move through your life in a way that doesn't leave you completely exhausted?
When I encourage clients to experiment with slowing down—to tackle one thing at a time, take breaks, and let a task unfold over the course of the day instead of powering through it—they're often surprised by what happens.
They still get the task done.
The world doesn't end.
Nobody hands them a failing grade for not vacuuming the entire house in record time.
And perhaps most importantly, they have a little more energy left for the things that actually matter.
These days, I still catch myself wanting to sprint through my to-do list.
Old habits die hard.
But every now and then I think about my husband, casually vacuuming one room before taking what I probably judged as an unnecessarily long break.
Maybe he wasn't procrastinating.
Maybe he was regulating his nervous system.
(I'm still not convinced the snack break was essential... but I'm willing to keep an open mind.)
So here's my invitation for you this week.
Pick one thing on your to-do list.
Do a little.
Take a break.
Come back to it later if you need to.
Notice what thoughts show up when you slow down. Do you hear an inner critic telling you you're lazy? That you're wasting time? That you should be doing more?
Get curious about whose voice that really is. Mine is my mom, but her voice is a lot quieter these days.
Because maybe—just maybe—you don't have to earn your rest by finishing everything first.
And maybe my husband has been providing free therapy with a vacuum cleaner all along.
📞 If you need help with your mental health, contact me today. Book a free 15-minute consultation.