Is It Okay to Change Therapists?
So, is it okay to change therapists?
Absolutely.
Sometimes we hear friends or family talk about seeing a therapist or counsellor, yet we can tell something feels off for them. Maybe they say the sessions are not helping, they do not feel connected to the therapist, or they leave appointments feeling misunderstood.
While I do believe it is beneficial to stay with a therapist for a few sessions before deciding whether it is the right fit, it is also completely okay to change therapists if the relationship does not feel supportive or productive.
Building a therapeutic relationship takes time, much like any other relationship. Trust, safety, and connection are not always immediate.
However, there is another side to this conversation that is important to explore.
A therapist can guide you, support you, and hold space for your healing, but healing also requires your participation.
When It’s Not About the Therapist
Sometimes people begin therapy because they are struggling with anxiety, depression, relationships, trauma, or life stress. They genuinely want help. But once therapy starts to touch deeper emotions or uncomfortable patterns, parts of them may want to pull away. This is normal.
This is where self-awareness and accountability become important.
A therapist can guide you, support you, and hold space for your healing, but healing also requires your participation. Therapy is not something that is “done” to you — it is something you actively engage in.
I’m going to repeat that. “A therapist can guide you, support you, and hold space for your healing, but healing also requires your participation.“
This is especially relevant when it comes to attachment styles.
For example, someone with an avoidant attachment style may struggle when therapy becomes emotionally uncomfortable. If a therapist asks reflective or challenging questions, such as:
“Why do you think this pattern keeps showing up?”
“Have you considered connecting more openly with others?”
“What emotions come up for you when this happens?”
While some people may sit with those questions and reflect on them, for someone with attachment wounds, they can be confronting. Instead of leaning into the discomfort, they may begin focusing on the therapist’s faults:
“I do not like their style.”
“They challenge me too much.”
“This therapy is not working.”
Sometimes this reaction is not actually about the therapist being wrong. Sometimes it is a protective response to vulnerability and emotional discomfort.
So, How Do You Know When to Stay or Leave?
There is a difference between:
feeling challenged in a healthy, growth-oriented way, and
feeling genuinely unsafe, unseen, judged, or unsupported.
Read that again, please.
A good therapist should help you feel respected and emotionally safe, even when difficult topics arise.
If you find yourself feeling activated or uncomfortable after sessions, it can be helpful to talk openly with your therapist before deciding to leave. You might say:
“I notice I feel uncomfortable when I’m challenged in sessions.”
“I’m not sure your style is working for me.”
“I leave sessions feeling overwhelmed.”
A healthy therapist-client relationship should allow room for those conversations. Sometimes adjustments can be made. Other times, you may realize that you simply need a different therapeutic approach or personality fit.
And that is okay.
The Right Therapist Matters
Not every therapist will be the right fit for every person. Therapy is deeply personal. One therapist’s style may feel incredibly healing to one person and completely unhelpful to another.
The goal is not to force yourself to stay in a therapeutic relationship that does not feel right. The goal is to find support that helps you heal, grow, and feel seen.
So yes — give therapy time. Building trust takes patience.
But also trust yourself.
If, after reflection and honest communication, you feel the relationship is not working, it is okay to find someone else. Your healing matters most.
📞 If you need help with your mental health, contact me today. Book a free 15-minute consultation.